Humor
Good One!
Funny or Not
10 bad jokes that make you smile.
A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, “Have you heard about the mad cow disease that’s going around?”
“Yeah,” the other cow says. “Makes me glad I’m a penguin.”
“Once, my father came home and found me in front of a roaring fire. That made my father very mad, as we didn’t have a fireplace.” —Victor Borge
“Your mother has been with us for 20 years,” said John. “Isn’t it time she got a place of her own?”
“My mother?” replied Helen. “I thought she was your mother.”
—Joseph Lozanoff
Why don’t pirates take a shower before they walk the plank?
They just wash up on shore.
At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, “That’s the fourth time you’ve gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn’t it embarrass you?”
“Why should it?” answered her spouse. “I keep telling them it’s for you.”
What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?
Dam.
If you’re American when you go in the bathroom…
… and American when you come out, what are you in the bathroom?
European.
What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work?
A can’t opener!
There are three types of people in the world:
Those who can count and those who can’t.
What is Forrest Gump’s email password?
1forrest1.
What’s red and bad for your teeth?
A brick.
Funny, Clean Jokes
1. I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
2. I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.
3. What vegetable is cool, but not that cool? Rad-ish.
4. I was wondering why the baseball kept getting bigger and bigger, and then it hit me.
5. Why did the employee get fired from the calendar factory? She took a day off.
6. Worrying works! Case in point: 90% of the things I worry about never happen.
7. My teachers told me I’d never amount to much because I procrastinate. I told them, “Just you wait!”
8. Why do seagulls fly over the sea? If they flew over the bay, they would be bagels.
9. I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know which comes first.
10. What do you call a magician who lost his magic? Ian.
11. I broke my finger last week. On the other hand, I am OK.
12. I went to the doctor with a suspicious-looking mole. He told me they all look that way, and I should have left it in the garden.
13. Two men are on opposite sides of the river. The first man shouts, “How do I get to the other side of the river?” The other man yells, “You are on the other side of the river!”
14. Why would a pig dressed in black never get bullied? Because Batman has sworn to protect Goth-ham.
15. Every morning, I announce that I’m going running, but then I don’t. It’s a running joke.
16. Why is a swordfish’s nose 11 inches long? Because if it were 12 inches, it would be a foot.
17. What state is known for its small drinks? Minnesota.
18. What do you call a line of men waiting to get haircuts? A barberqueue.
19. I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you didn’t like it.
20. I can’t take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him. That’s what I get for buying a pure bread dog.